Thursday, December 13, 2007

Soooo Kute!

Dear G Lounge NYC,
Oh my god! I just had to write and tell you that your illustrated advertisement for G Lounge's new party Kute really speaks to me! (Is it pronounced Koot-e? Or is that U with the little dots over it not even a letter, but a super-cute emoticon? who knows :) does it even matter? As I always say, "what-evs!")

I mean, finally, there's a party in New York City where chip-on-the-shoulder attitude and extreme affectedness is fiercely appreciated. You're my savior! I was soooo tired of guys who are like 31 and 32 trying talking to me. As if, right? Thanks for your understanding.

This new party comes at a perfect time because I've really been spending a lot of time perfecting my upper-body while doing this Soho studio yoga-infusion diet of ice cubes and lettuce which has made my waist slim and tight like an adolescent boy. I've completely shaved my chest and have my laser hair removal appointment next week! No one will ever know I used to have such imperfections- let's you and I keep that between ourselves! I have also been working on the way I stand, with and without a cigarette. I mean, I don't smoke but I'll hold one if the boy checking me out has cigarettes. I just have to remember how to do it- the steps are: 1) inhale through perfectly circular lips 2) exhale upward, as if I don't have a care in the world but then gaze at the sky as if I notice a perfect twinkly star, and finally 3) dramatic head turn to the left, chin to shoulder, eyes focused like a hawk! Puh-lease, you never know who's going to be there taking that uber-crucial myspace pic! A girl always has to be prepared!

G Lounge, what speaks to me most about this illustration you use to promote your party is the attitude in that model-boy's face. I mean, this IS what we need in NYC and I'm so glad you understand. Attitude is what separates the bois from the boys. I'm counting the days until next Sunday because when I get to this party I am going to flash squinty eyes, raised eyebrows and open-mouthed I'm-disgusted-with-you glares from floor to ceiling. I mean, that is how to make the boys want you, right? So excited.

til then!
xoxoxox
(pronounced "Smoochies!")

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Umm Tolerance much? Without black no white... Ying yang... To each there own... If these people did not exist then how would you know that you and the hairy Bears are butch? I think the place sucks too, But the Gay community (Or any minority) is stronger when they do not internalize their hatred. At least that is what I learned in my Afro-American studies classes.

John said...

lol ~ instant classic.

shawnmensa said...

BAHAHAHAHA
I think I just fell in love with you.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous beat me to it. I suppose the contempt cuts both ways though. So much for community, eh?

Ragazzo (@rof.net) said...

Nailed em, Eric. Nice to see your naked upper bod at Blowoff last Sat - I think I stroked in passing the little tufts of sexy hair at the base of your neck/top of your back - you didn't seem to mind (or was that notice? Oh well).

B said...

even the lil' pussy looks like an uptight bitch

Dennis said...

Oh yes, anonymous 1 & 2, because if there's one message that ad conveys, it's the message of community and inclusion. Can't we all just get along?

I've been staring at the ad for a few minutes and I cannot possibly imagine what made someone think that it would be effective.

Just Brad said...

I am a bit disappointed in your choice to post this. Even as a hairy, non-shaving, carb-eating, non-cliche' gay I am a little taken aback by your election to bash your own kind (gay). I read your entries frequently and sense and share your want for a better world where everyone gets along and accepts everyone else. However by posting this you are no different than those intolerant people you so very much dislike and blog about. Interestingly, your [attempt at a sarcastic] critique on someone expressing how he or she choses to 'be' is more of critique on you. You just went from an 11, ELeven, to a 1. Live and let live brother.

Bloggernista said...

Hey Brad,

Eric is definitely one of the gay men working hard to create a better and more inclusive community. What I get from this post is his frustration with some of the more superficial aspects of our community and frankly the stereotypical and offensive nature of the ad. The world doesn't need yet another space for stuck up attitude ridden white boys to stand around being "fabulous."

You tell Eric to "live and let live" which is a message that he has frequently promoted, but one that is clearly not the message the creators of that ad wanted to put out.

Just Brad said...

I totally get and agree that pretentious people and places run in excess (and do find the ad to be a bit much), but the posting borders on hating on our own kind, and that's just not cool.

I enjoy everyone's comments. It's interesting to see how each interprets the posting. Thanks for sharing other ways to look at it.

bstewart said...

For evolution's sake, the post isn't bashing gays, it's bashing the oblivious, self-obsessed, self-unaware and intolerant.

I'm always at a loss to understand why intolerance should be tolerated and not skewered, anyway.

Also? Funny.

Anonymous said...

I see the point some are making about the ad conveying the image of a certain type of guy the bar wants to attract. Would the effect of the ad be different if it showed a mean looking leatherbear with a cigar and beer instead of plucked eyebrows and a cosmo? Obviously the demographic is different, but the effect would be the same: this bar wants this crowd. Saying that the guys who this ad appeals to are vapid and self-absorbed, is like saying that all guys who are attracted to a leather bar ad are friendly and non-judgmental. It's just not so. Blanket generalizations about any group are counterproductive; given the chance, I'm sure there are guys there who would give you the shirt off their hair-free backs.

Dennis said...

Holy crap, people, it's satire. Satire with the ha ha and the ho ho and sometimes the hey, should he really be saying that, oh yeah he should be because it's friggin' satire!

JUANJO said...

Dear BJB,
what the "lycra-queens" did to you in your tender teens?

JUANJO said...

I think Anonymous rocks!