Friday, November 2, 2007

Hey Teenagers: What's a "Virgin?"

This New York Post Article is just another example of why Sex Ed & Sex Communication classes are needed NOW:
"November 2, 2007 -- Is your teenager a virgin? That depends on your teen's definition of "is" - as well as a few other words that parents might want to run past their kids.

A study suggests 70 percent of kids 12 to 16 believe they're virgins even if they've had oral sex - and 16 percent believe anal sex doesn't count either.

Researchers at the PIRE Prevention Research Center in Berkeley, Calif., interviewed more than 900 middle- and high-school students. The study is in The Journal of Adolescent Health."

My definition of virgin is any person who has not yet had vaginal or anal intercourse. Although I do refer to oral sex as having sex with someone, I do believe intercourse and oral sex are separate practices. That is to say, oral sex is not full sex but it is a form of "having sex." Oral sex is oral sex, intercourse is intercourse.

My straight girlfriend, Amanda, is livid with how I use the term "slept with." While joining me at a gay bar or two I pointed out a guy that I referred to as having "slept with." She asked, "so you had intercourse with him?" "No," I responded, "I have done other things with him aside from that." "That isn't sex then, Eric." "Then what do you call it," I asked. We were both stumped.

The straight and gay world are completely different when referring to sex. More often than not, the straight people I know only use the term "slept with" when they've actually engaged in intercourse with someone. To me, having "slept" with someone means I've gotten off with that person in one way or another and does not necessarily include intercourse. When I want someone to know that I've had intercourse. I'll use the big ol "F word" or simply say, "we had full-on sex."

Also interesting to note is, in my experience and my friend's experience, when having a just-met-at-a-bar or online hook up, gay men are often satisfied with going as far as practicing mutual oral and stopping there. Straight people however, according to my friends, take oral sex as a cue of going further. I asked my best friend and straight guy Eric, The Roommate, to share his experience.

He says, "For me, oral sex is usual a precursor to actual sex. If I've decided I don't want to have sex with someone, I won't engage in oral sex either. The same screening process exists for both. Oftentimes, sex comes first and oral won't occur until later dates."

My straight girlfriend Lindsay has this to offer: "Oral Sex does not count as sex. And it almost always leads to sex. I can't remember a time when it didn't."


Unknown said...

you are so right, and being "bi" i've seen both worlds. when i have hetero sex, it almost always includes intercourse, and oral is used to lead into that. when i have gay sex, there may or may not be penetration, but penetration is not what i mean when i say "she fucked me".... very interesting, eric.

Unknown said...

Riot, let's have sex... gay, straight, whatever your bisexual heart (vagina) desires.

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