Friday, August 17, 2007

Broetry

A "bro" is your quintessential all American frat boy. You know the guy, (they pretty much all live in Murray Hill and get drinks at Tonic bar/lounge) button-down shirts, works in financial, loves to talk about his frat days and how much he'd drink, get stoned, get laid and listen to heady music (Grateful Dead, Phish, Bob Marley.) These are the characteristics which make up a true "bro."
My friends and I love to imitate and make fun of these guys. What it became was a very long email chain where we would write poems from a bro's point of view.

Below you will find, Broetry.
Please enjoy, they are quite on point and hysterical.

Unfortunately I don't have the name's of the author responsible for each piece, but here are the people who created them. Mark, Max, Josh, Zach, Eric, Eric

_____________________________________
"first date"


it used to be that a babe had to know
that dinner and a movie meant
beer pong and blunts in the rec room

but i've grown up a lot since last semester.
now a babe can expect at least
Chili's and a rental.
i keep it elegant.

but, babes, beware
though i'm not a gambling man
it's unlikely that i'll ever call you again
unless you're into stuff like
lebowski, herb, and feelings.
plus hot.
___________________________________________

"Art can be for straight people, too" (a dank seminar)"

introduction:
So, yeah, I officially smoked so much weed in front of my "Beer: helping white guys dance" poster, that the poster itself literally turned into weed, and i smoked it. It was like a heady-high, kind of like mixing being really drunk and really high.

the poem:
O Woe is me.
there is a blank spot on my wall (the only spot not covered in weed resin)
should i fill it with a "mixology 101" poster?
how about a "what i really learned in college" poster?
whoa, bro, look at all those different shots.
_______________________________________________________

"kobe"


sometimes when bitches say no
they really mean yes.
it's not like it's really a crime
to give them what they want most;
cock.
8 knows it.
bitches know what they're getting into
when they make eye contact.
____________________________________________

"Mellow"

I'm vibing right now on the new Nas joint (speaking of joint, lol)
I can also chill out and listen to Coldplay
But when my boys are around I might hide that CD
I'm not embarrassed or whatever
I just chill differently with my ipod
chillingly, mellowly, weedingly.
_______________________________________________

"To Lauren on Her 22nd Birthday"

Lauren,
You breathe passion,
and fire to a world gone mad.
And when we break bread,
together,
We consecrate life,
with your laughter.

Lauren,
My heart is but a needle,
the world a pillow of reeds.
For you, my Lauren,
the needle surely bleeds.
And Lauren, though we are seniors now,
you are just as hot as you were freshman year.
Almost.
_________________________________________________

"Variety"

I have a passion to listen to Jack and Dave,
They are my inner ear, my voice,
I listen to the magic and harmony within the music,
but really only listen when i want to smoke a blunt.
When I go to the gym, or am pre-gaming I listen to
DMX, Luda, and the Game. All of which these artists smoke
the herbal, and so all of them are there in turn packers of the
bowl of music and chilled out vibes.
Unless i want to kick someones ass.
______________________________________________

"Unsureity"

I am but a confused guy.
My bro IMed me and when I wrote back,
Alas; I noticed that he had a jack johnson quote in his away
message.

Jack, the prophet, spoke, from his gospel Banana Pancakes:
"But Baby, You hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya"

WTF, that faggot better not have left that away message for me.
________________________________________________

"deepness: a survey"

deepness is like a lake
full of the stillest water
deepness comes from the
depths of the truest souls

deepness cannot be achieved
it can only be attained
through mind expansion (shrooms)
and journeys, like road trips
and meditating, which is like chilling
only it's related to yoga.

some dudes may come down
hard on deepness because
of the whole yoga thing.
but i say to you dudes
that gayness and deepness,
while similar, are not the
same thing.

true deepness is like
a cup that runneth over.
a cup of jager.
_______________________________________________________

"jerry"

a lot of bros don't know about the dead.
but they should
because that's where phish came from
dank nugs,
true vegetation
natty,
nectar of the gods
and sweet tunes

without jerry there would be
no dave,
no trey,
and no john mayer
thank jah and jer for giving
the gift of chilled out music.
and deepness.
______________________________________________

"falling water"


it's like dave once said:
'crash into me'
but, seriously bro, if you bump me again
i will kick your fucking ass
_______________________________________________

"pledging"

pledge to be honest
pledge to succeed
pledge to the brotherhood
of the fraternity

much like a jager bomb
burns so sweet
pledging will burn your soul
when we fire-brand your frosh ass
with the hallowed letters of
delta sigma ki
______________________________________________

"Hours"

We live our lives
as so much weed in God's head stash.
Until one day,
his bowl is cashed.
And then we live on in memories
like resin hits.
___________________________________________________

"Bob"

You were a legend even before your
legendary album,
Legend.
It's possibly your only album,
I'm not sure, I didn't check.

Though we never met
I feel like we're bros.
Because I have that poster,
where you are smoking that huge joint.
I bet it was 4:20 when they took
that picture.

Up in heaven,
Rip a bong hit with Jah for me
(I bet he gets the kindest bud),
And remember to tell Jerry,
"You are missed."
____________________________________________

"Beads"

We are but beads inside God's
hacky-sack
and he just landed a sick Jester
____________________________________________

"My New Glass Piece"

Bro, i got the sickest piece
from this head shop.

I don't wanna stop.
smoking weed.
My piece is like a mustang
and the weed
is like the drive.
woop woop woop...

i'm calling in a
DWFB...Driving While Fully Blazed.
This guy wanted to smoke with
me and said that i had
a nice piece.

i thought he was hitting on
me, so i
kicked his fucking ass.
then, like a cunning owl, the
smartest of birds...
i realized that he was
praising my
weed.

oops. too late, faggot.
___________________________________________

"My Djembe"

my djembe becomes my mouthpiece.
my lungs inflate with the
dankest weed and i play it
along with dave and
sometimes OAR.
yeah, you probably
have never heard of OAR but my boy
went to ohio state with them.
too bad he's a faggot.

world peace...
pieces....pieces of weed are on the floor.
my djembe calls to me.
oh yeah, like i've
really cried before.

my boy knows a guy
who sells G13 weed.
weed is like my currency.
but really what is currency in
a world where nothing is
real except my djembe...
and my weed.
bro, seriously, back up.
__________________________________________

"Chilling Mad Hard"

Yo, ok, so i drink,
no big deal.
and i smoke like tons of weed
for attention.
i love attention and i love
cutting myself.
it makes me
remember that life is pain...and sometimes
pain is pain, too.
i have a certain amount of feelings.