Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"Wait hold on..ummmm"

kill yourself!
Yeah we've all been there. Shit, I'm sure we've even been that person at one time or another. Yup, the person who orders food or coffee while gabbing away incessantly on their blackberry cell phone just to help fill whatever time they have between point A and B.

This.That.No Other is reporting on this topic today so I thought I'd throw in my two cents. This topic also reminds me of This.That.No Other's hysterical post about the displeasure of having the worst of super hero abilities.

I've grown to loathe these people and experiences and because so I strive to always hang up with whomever I'm talking to before I enter a line or even step foot in a restaurant.

I have a few experiences where I've had the sheer audacity to tell people maybe they should get off the phone while being around other people or even the, "maybe you would be less frustrated if you got off the phone while ordering...?" Then of course, the response is a snarl and a "Who the FUCK do you think YOU ARE?!"

Well I'm just a person who has had it up to here with being forced to listen to conversations like my faux-but-typical example below:

“Wait hold on a minute…Um..I’ll have a……..hmmm…..latte….Ok, so anyway I’m out with Brad last night and he’s all ‘why were you being rude this past weekend’ and I’m all ‘uhh, excuse me? YOU’RE the one who was rude- I mean- my mother baked that upside-down pineapple cake for YOU and you didn’t even have one bite. It’s not like I ask him to go to my parent’s house every weekend, you know what I mean? Is it so hard to just appease me? Wait hold on…”

“Umm, excuse me- didn’t I ask for extra cream? (back to phone) I swear people are so inept sometimes. Like, what happened to LISTENING to people and common courtesy? You think asking for extra cream would be easy but no, it’s like asking someone to cut off their fucking arm.”

Anyway, so needless to say we head out of my parent’s home in Westchester with a WHOLE upside-down pineapple cake just sitting there on the table. He didn’t even OFFER to take it home. You know, it’s just rude. So my mother calls me 15 minutes after we already left and is like, “we made that cake for Brad because you said it was his favorite. Now we have this whole cake sitting here that’s just going to go to waste!” So I tell Brad what my mother says and he basically just shrugs it off. It’s like he doesn’t even register my feelings sometimes. I swear he can be so numb.

…I’m so glad you hear me out this. Sometimes I just think I’m alone in all this - like I’m the one leading the relationship with no help. Like get this: two weeks ago Brad schedules a poker night with his friends on OUR Friday night. He knows Friday night is our night- that’s when he takes me out to dinner and we split a bottle of wine- we’ve been doing it the last month so I really don’t know how he would forget about it or schedule something on top of it…whatever..anyway he goes ahead and plans a (sarcastic tone) “poker night” with his friends- who by the way, are nothing more than a bunch of monkeys, like hello??? Your frat days ended like 5 years ago, get a life! So, he plans this poker night of his on the SAME DAY that we are supposed to go to sushi samba. All I wanted was a night for he and I to really catch up but I guess his “friends” are more important than me. Seriously, when is it my turn? It's not like I'm asking much.”

Wait hold on….You know what? This fucking latte sucks. I have to go. Ok! bye! Love you!"


the zak said...

They are entertaining us! The new logistics of telephoning allow us to see and hear these entertainers. There are many diverting circumstances telephoning in public that people can't keep very good track of the conversation as it proceeds and routinely correct themselves about what they said a few moments ago. The art of conversation and discourse generally is changed by these habits.

evilganome said...

When I was still working in retail my favorites were the people on their cell phones who would wander up to the counter on their phone, tell you they were in a hurry and then when you started to ring up their order, they would wander off and start shopping some more. These were always the ones who would bring something up without a tag on it, so you'd have to do a price check. After wasting 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back, they would then remind me that they were in a hurry, they had parked illegally and didn't want to get a ticket and tell their friends in tones of heavily tried patience that they were going to have to call back because they had to deal with this "stupid salesperson".

And my boss wouldn't even let us kill these cretins.

Homer said...

In Washington DC everyone is texting all the time. As a non-texter, it gets super annoying that you can't have a regular conversation with someone without their suddenly looking down and texting a message.

Marc said...

LOL - the only thing you're missing are the eye-rolls and hair-flips! And trust me, these cretins are not limited geographically or by gender!

@evilganome: I guess its a good thing I'm not in retail cuz I seriously would have killed 'em. I've done a ton of IT support in my day, which is primarily over the phone. Years ago, I was working for a large bank, and trying to walk a teller (never the brightest bulbs in any marquee) thru turning off her machine to reset it. After fifteen minutes (yes, you read that right - 15 fucking minutes) the tech next to me slides a note onto my desk: "Quick, call the police! Someone has apparently stolen her brain!"

I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard!

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Even at the baths, the kids take calls and text during group sex.

David said... why DIDN'T Brad want any of the pineapple upsidedown cake?

Papagayo said...

dude, i saw gypsy last night on broadway and no fewer than twice did i hear someone's damn phone ringing during the show!! I'm almost surprised they didn't pick up and answer

Anonymous said...

You are so my pimp.

Here's my favourite: Since it seems inconceivable to me that anyone needs to actually YELL into a microphone situated one-half inch from their mouth, if ever I hear anyone YELLING a telephone number into their cellphone while in a line-up, I resist the urge to call that number myself and, instead, jot it down to later transcribe using a Sharpie onto the panel of the next washroom cubicle I visit.

Anonymous said...

who cares. welcome to living in a city. if you want peace and quiet move back to jersey.

Knucklecrack said...

Hey Anonymous-
thanks for the douchey comment-

"Who cares?" is just the attitude we're all looking for!

Right? I mean "who cares?" "Who cares" about anything anymore?

Caring is just sooooo lame. It's for losers and for people who live in New Jersey.