tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post5237243013765257015..comments2023-12-19T03:39:51.410-05:00Comments on KnuckleCrack: I'm Not Out. But, You Know, They Know...Eric Levenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12885160911135751606noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-91785898636242079772008-05-19T22:31:00.000-04:002008-05-19T22:31:00.000-04:00Actually, you really don't get it.It's terrific th...Actually, you really don't get it.<BR/>It's terrific that you had really<BR/>liberal parents, etc...<BR/>That kind of explains your soapboxish point of view(by the<BR/>way, a hugh turnoff).<BR/>When you get a little older, you <BR/>will realize that parents have their own issues they are dealing<BR/>with, and sometimes it might be<BR/>good judgement to not come out, even if you are established financially, agewise, etc..<BR/><BR/>You will also realize thet family<BR/>comes first. Try counting on on the<BR/>'gay community' if you really,<BR/>really need help.<BR/><BR/>I'm sure you mean well, though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-36933007158423243882008-05-14T02:26:00.000-04:002008-05-14T02:26:00.000-04:00I'm super glad that I told my parents. It was a l...I'm super glad that I told my parents. It was a little awkward, and has led to some REALLY awkward conversations... But there's not a single person in the world better to call when you're sobbing after a breakup than Ma. After all, she'll reduce you to a (snotty) laughing mess in minutes as she plans her flight to San Francisco to kick the guy's ass.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10928262320375605701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-67926715622497486652008-05-13T17:16:00.000-04:002008-05-13T17:16:00.000-04:00Great post, Eric.And I absolutely agree with you -...Great post, Eric.<BR/><BR/>And I absolutely agree with you - Not one of the hardships I had to endure while coming out to my family, not A SINGLE ONE (and there were many), even begins to be as strong as the good feeling I get when my husband calls my mother on Mother's Day and I hear her referring to him as her "newest son". <BR/><BR/>Or when my brother asks us to stay over for a few days during a business trip and he's totally aware of and confortable with the fact that he'll be staying in the home of a gay couple.<BR/><BR/>And that's not to count the many advantages of being able to talk to my boss about scheduling my vacations around my husband's schedule without having a single confused or disaproving look shot at my direction.<BR/><BR/>Best,<BR/>J.James Figueiredohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281007632591613192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-83706236113527023722008-05-13T14:58:00.000-04:002008-05-13T14:58:00.000-04:00Excellent post. Coming out was so hard for me. Tol...Excellent post. Coming out was so hard for me. Told mom first on Thanksgiving Day, total relief, best TG ever. Dad on the other hand still has problems relating. Although he has always shown the utmost respect to me and my partners. As a matter of fact the last time we spoke I asked him why he was so quiet, he told me that he always wanted me to have children because of all my siblings I would have made the best "daddy". Of course I laughed my ass off and cried in private. <BR/><BR/>John in SeattleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-33544175961078240772008-05-12T17:27:00.000-04:002008-05-12T17:27:00.000-04:00Harvey Milk said"You are afraid to come out to you...Harvey Milk said<BR/>"You are afraid to come out to your parents, you say, 'Think how much it will hurt them.' I say think of how they will hurt you in the voting booth.<BR/><BR/>Amen brotherAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-32323378988923500842008-05-11T23:43:00.000-04:002008-05-11T23:43:00.000-04:00How about, you have a jewish bias that leads you t...How about, you have a jewish bias that leads you to think that your parents, aka your mum, has to know about your love life ;)<BR/><BR/>How about they can't handle it ? They don't want to know ? It's sad but it is that way. As for many things in this life, there is no "right" way. Just ways.<BR/><BR/>I'm sad every once in a while my parents knew one day and decided to "forget" about it but I won't force them, and I've made my way and I've built my life, like one you built with a crooked leg.<BR/><BR/>I think i'm quite a happy person. Maybe they're not. Their loss.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-91457108729127644812008-05-09T18:29:00.001-04:002008-05-09T18:29:00.001-04:00What is your opinion on disclosing one's HIV statu...What is your opinion on disclosing one's HIV status to a parent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-88264518245186066052008-05-09T18:29:00.000-04:002008-05-09T18:29:00.000-04:00What is your opinion on disclosing one's HIV statu...What is your opinion on disclosing one's HIV status to a parent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-74613415137352556232008-05-09T11:54:00.000-04:002008-05-09T11:54:00.000-04:00I have conservative christian parents who didn't a...I have conservative christian parents who didn't approve of gay people until they learned that they were related to one. I took the plunge with them when I was 19. I was never in their face but I was always honest. It's been a long road over the past 15 years, and it started out really hard but increasingly got better. It payed off in a big way. They came to my husband's and my wedding in October. I know they see the world in a much different way than they used to. What if every gay person with conservative parents did that? I wonder how our culture would be different. And I can't imagine how terrible my life would be if I hadn't been honest. This applies to the rest of my life too- I'm a high school teacher and I'm out, and it's been a slow hard process, but it's better for me in the end, and I think it's much better for my students as well.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07555080948194104301noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-60236370446602470502008-05-09T00:24:00.000-04:002008-05-09T00:24:00.000-04:00i guess it's easy to look at someone's situation a...i guess it's easy to look at someone's situation and know what's right (in your mind), but also realize that for a lot of people, parental approval still means a lot, or everything, whether they care to admit it or not. and maybe they feel like, keeping the peace even if they are living a lie is easier than "the great unknown." and it is...you never know how people are going to react. you seem like someone who lives your life without any excuses. but not everyone is that way. many people are scared; of anything, of everything. yea, they don't rely on their parents for money or support...but as i said...the approval of your parents sometimes is still a huge thing in your life.<BR/><BR/>and by the way, i'm out to my family. i came out to them at my brother's funeral, who had just died from complications from AIDS.bigislandjeepguyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12272217542000102517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-50947786466830963562008-05-08T18:59:00.000-04:002008-05-08T18:59:00.000-04:00When I came out to my Mom in my late 20s, she made...When I came out to my Mom in my late 20s, she made me promise not to tell my father. "He's of a different age, he'll never understand!" she pleaded at the time. I've actually kept my promise, but only because I know he's fully "in the know." He has discussed my being gay with all of my brothers, and has always been kind and welcoming to my partner. So, even though I felt stifled by my mother's request, over the years I've come to realize that the status quo works for them, and doesn't mean I'm any less whole. Just my situation, I know . . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-50302076815646105932008-05-08T17:04:00.000-04:002008-05-08T17:04:00.000-04:00My first lover, whom I met when he was 34 and I wa...My first lover, whom I met when he was 34 and I was 22, was not out to his parents, though I was already out to mine. We were together five years and he never came out to them, although he took me home to visit them in rural Ohio twice a year where we slept in the same bed in the same room, something they did not seem to find unusual. Like your friend, he also claimed they did not need to know. The thing about this 'arrangement' that eventually infuriated me was, first, its diminishment of his personhood, and secondly, its minimalization of our relationship. They were continuously working with an abridged version of his identity; they only had access to a counterfeit representation of what we were together. We parted for many reasons, but I must admit his unwillingness to come out was one one of them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-16147876737318035932008-05-08T16:57:00.000-04:002008-05-08T16:57:00.000-04:00I agree 100%speaking as someone who was touched by...I agree 100%<BR/><BR/>speaking as someone who was touched by this sad situation. My bf of 7 years just recently came out to his parents approximately 1 year ago. It broke my heart for him to hide his life & me from his entire family. Sadly, he hid himself for so long from his family, that now that they know - they still don't seem to want to get to know him. And they certainly don't want to meet me. That's abundantly clear. I feel bad as my family welcomed my "domestic partner" with open arms. At least he gets to share my family. And that really does help.ryan charismahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17998550316608259273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-79853856582982927422008-05-08T15:37:00.000-04:002008-05-08T15:37:00.000-04:00I agree it's important to be known by those close ...I agree it's important to be known by those close to you, but there's another side. I'm close with my parents, and I'm out hand happy (and they know and love my partner, thankfully!). But my grandmother is of advancing years and of particular views. I love my grandmother dearly, but my life is no less complete without her knowing that my "friend" that joins us at every Thanksgiving and Christmas is my live-in, long-term, butt-sex boyfriend. It's all very cute, actually, how my parents treat him like family, but my grandmother looks charmingly perplexed at the too-tall white boy speaking English at our all-Cuban holiday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-67511513056550677982008-05-08T15:32:00.000-04:002008-05-08T15:32:00.000-04:00"Gosh Mom you won't believe the guy I had sex with..."Gosh Mom you won't believe the guy I had sex with last night, what a stud-monster!"<BR/><BR/>Were you eavesdropping on my phone call to Mom this morning?!dpastehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10813652943621759603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-13129749564796857522008-05-08T15:18:00.000-04:002008-05-08T15:18:00.000-04:00Great post Eric. We have a friend who is a succes...Great post Eric. We have a friend who is a successful attorney, getting close to 40 and has been with her partner for almost 15 years. She, however has never had the "talk" with her parents and goes home once a year alone and spends Christmas apart from her partner, something I could never do. I just don't get it...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-26735566293765035382008-05-08T15:06:00.000-04:002008-05-08T15:06:00.000-04:00What an awesome Mother's Day gift coming out would...What an awesome Mother's Day gift coming out would be -- "Mom, because I love you and trust you and want to share the most important parts of my life with the person who's been most important to me for my whole life..."<BR/><BR/>Terrific post, Eric.<BR/><BR/>Can we give a shout-out to a 30 year old quote from Harvey Milk?<BR/><BR/>"We must destroy the myths once and for all. We must continue to speak out and most importantly every gay person must come out. As difficult as it is, you must tell your family, you must tell your relatives, you must tell your friends, you must tell your neighbors, you must tell the people you work with, you must tell the people in the stores you shop in, and once they realize that we are indeed their children and that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and for all. And once you do you will feel so much better."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397595379731918375.post-41685378569616669062008-05-08T14:53:00.000-04:002008-05-08T14:53:00.000-04:00Bravo! Brad and I talk often about how absurd it ...Bravo! Brad and I talk often about how absurd it is that there are adult gay men who are not out to their parents/family and have no reason for being in the closet. I do believe though that it's entirely possible to be a gay man and have never come out to yourself, and you can't come out to your family if you haven't come out to yourself first.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15314659840459487144noreply@blogger.com